Joke - CigarDoug

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at the movie store. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent. People walk slower here. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
Rating: G
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